


Wasting my young years

by Lapinou



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorced Shiro, Farmer Lance (Voltron), Hand Jobs, Intercrural Sex, Lonely Lance (Voltron), M/M, Mutual Pining, One Night Stands, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, shiro is a pillow princess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 11:37:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19375930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapinou/pseuds/Lapinou
Summary: Shiro steps through the doorway and sighs, the hand on the strap of his bag tightening before he says, “I’m getting a divorce.”___________Lance doesn’t want to be alone. He can’t live his entire life without someone to love and be loved in return, but how could he possibly try to move on without feeling guilty? Without seeming ungrateful for Allura’s sacrifice to the entire world? Even after two years he still didn’t have the answers, but the anguish he harbors feels a little lighter with Shiro’s strong arms around him.





	Wasting my young years

**Author's Note:**

> Basically just a post epilogue fix-it type fic featuring end game Shance. This is in a different style than I usually write, I hope you guys enjoy it! 
> 
> (Title from the song of the same name by London Grammar  
> I suggest giving it a lesson when things get feels-y if you want some extra tears <3 )

Lance doesn’t get many visitors, living on a farm in a remote part of town will have that effect, so he nearly jumps ten feet in the air when there’s a knock on his door one night. He approaches cautiously and peeks the door open just enough to peer out and identify the perpetrator but throws it open fully when he recognizes who it is standing at his doorstep.

“Shiro!” he exclaims. “What are you doing here?”

It doesn’t take long for him to look his friend over and realize something isn’t right; he’s seen Shiro in the worst conditions possible, exhausted, battle worn, even close to death, but he’s never seen him look this morose before. A large duffle-bag is slung over his shoulder, but aside from that he is empty handed.

“Hi Lance, sorry to show up with no warning.” Shiro’s worn out face takes on a weak smile.

“No need man, come on in, but… what’s going on?”

Shiro steps through the doorway and sighs, the hand on the strap of his bag tightening before he says, “I’m getting a divorce.”

Lance’s eyes widen as he closes the door behind them.

“Oh my god, Shiro, I’m so sorry…” His voice is low. He leads them to the small area he uses as a living room and sits down on the couch to prepare for a long story.

“It’s okay, it was a mutual decision.” Shiro places his bag on the floor and joins Lance.

“Do you… need a drink?” Lance offers. “Alcoholic… or otherwise?”

Shiro shakes his head, “No, thanks, got that out of the way last night already.”

“Alright well, I’ll get you some water.”

Lance leaves to get the drinks and returns to a forlorn Shiro staring blankly at the floor.

“Do you… want to talk about it?” he asks and hands Shiro his glass.

“There really isn’t much to talk about,” he sighs again. “I rushed into a marriage, found out we’re not compatible, and two years later I’ve got divorce papers to sign in a couple of days.”

“I guess the wedding _was_ kinda soon.” Lance admits. “But you guys seemed really into each other, you couldn’t have known, man.”

Shiro smiles half-heartedly.

“I’m… really bad at the whole love thing,” he admits with a mirthless laugh.

“Well you can’t be the literal best at everything, right?”

Shiro takes a sip of his water, his smile looking a little bit more genuine, and Lance takes it as a small victory.

“You’re welcome to stay for a while,” Lance offers. “I don’t have a guest room though, so you’ll have to sleep on the couch or with me I guess.”  

“You really don’t mind if I stay a bit?” Shiro looks over at him.

“Nope! Be my guest, I’ve got fresh eggs all the time and I can make a mean omelet with ‘em.” Lance beams.

“Sounds great, thanks, Lance.” Shiro takes a deep breath and breathes it out with conviction. “I’ll take the couch.”

“Sure, man. Need anything else?”

“No, thank you, I’m just going to sleep.”

“Alright I’ll get you a pillow and stuff. Bathroom’s down the hall, kitchen’s over there, just help yourself to anything.”

“Got it, thanks.”

“And Shiro?” Lance adds as he’s leaving.

“Yeah?”

“It’s good to see you again.”

For the first time tonight, Lance gets a glimpse of Shiro’s real, uncompromised smile.

“You too, Lance.” 

* * *

Lance wakes up at dawn the next morning like he always does. He leaves his bedroom to find Shiro curled in on his side towards the couch and snoring gently. Quietly, Lance gets himself ready for the day, and even after the resident rooster crows loudly to announce the day, Shiro is still sound asleep by the time Lance heads out the door.   

First stop is the coop.

“Morning ladies.” Lance greets his flock as he enters. “Got to impress Shiro with the tastiest omelet he’s ever had.”

After he’s done tending to his farm chores, the sun is bright and blinding in the morning sky. Lance wipes some sweat off his forehead and heads back to his cottage. He pauses on his way, with his basket of eggs in hand to look fondly upon the field of pink flowers. Time has healed many things for Lance, and although the delicate flowers and the bittersweet memories they yield will always tug at his heart, they no longer bring inconsolable tears to his eyes.

He knows Shiro needs the same, that the right combination of time and space that will heal his wounds as well, even when closure feels impossible. He’s determined to jumpstart the process for him over his stay.

When he returns home, he finds Shiro in the exact same position on the couch as when he left. He sets the eggs in the fridge, goes to take a shower and even when he’s done with that, Shiro is still asleep. It’s rare, he thinks as he looks over Shiro’s sleeping form, to see the man resting. Shiro was always the get-up-and-go kind of guy, always motivated, always doing more than what was expected, never taking a moment for himself. But now it’s almost 11:00 and the former captain of the Atlas has been asleep on his couch for just about 12 hours.

Lance starts preparing breakfast for both of them anyway. He sees Shiro stir out of the corner of his eye as he’s chopping up vegetables.

“How many eggs do you want in your omelet?” he asks once Shiro sits up. “And add one to that cause they’re kinda small.”

“Uh… four,” Shiro replies after a moment. His expression is glazed over with grogginess.

“Peppers and onions okay?”

“Sounds delicious.”

“You got it.”

“Thanks.” Shiro gets up and stretches his back out before heading over to the bathroom and a moment later, Lance hears the shower running.

Freshly showered, hair still wet, Shiro sits at Lance’s small excuse for a dining table looking better than last night with the help of a good night’s rest.

“I can’t believe how late it is,” Shiro muses. “I don’t remember the last time I slept that long.”

“You probably needed it man.”

“You’re probably right, I haven’t been sleeping much lately.”

“Feeling any better?”

“Not really to be honest.”

“It’s okay, I get it.” Lance responds and somehow, it’s possible that Shiro goes even quieter.

“Sorry I… shouldn’t be complaining, should I.” Shiro says after a moment.

“No, I know where you’re going and it’s fine, we absolutely don’t have to go there.” Lance plates Shiro’s omelet and places it in front of him. “Here, this is yours.” He can tell Shiro wants to push the subject, ask him how he’s been dealing with his own grief, but opts to keep it to himself.

“It’s delicious,” Shiro says after a mouthful of breakfast.

“Thank you,” Lance replies with a bow, taking a plate of his own over to the table and joining Shiro. “You can meet the girls later if you want.”

“The girls?”

“My chickens.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, I’d like that, I’d like to see everything,” Shiro says and pushes a bite of food around with his fork. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around to see it sooner.”

“I wasn’t exactly around to see you and your place either, we’re pretty square.” Lance shrugs. He can feel Shiro studying him as he takes a bite but ignores it and Shiro goes back to eating after a moment.

* * *

 

The noonday sun beats down on them as they leave the house, Lance lends Shiro a hat and tells him he looks good in it. Shiro laughs, flattered but also feeling ridiculous.

Lance shows Shiro all around his property, introduces him to all the animals and has Shiro hand feed a couple of them. Shiro seems to enjoy it all but he takes a particular fondness to the small vegetable garden Lance has growing near the barn. He looks upon the sprouting green tomatoes with a smile and Lance tells him he should take the hobby up.

“I don’t think I have a green thumb like you,” Shiro replies honestly.

“It’s really not hard, here, try watering them.”  Lance leaves to fill up a watering can then hands it off to Shiro. Shiro unlocks the gate to the fence and steps in, watching his feet carefully. Lance leans on the fence as he watches Shiro pass the watering can over his rows of peppers, tomatoes, onions, and lastly the eggplants. There’s a peacefulness on his face, one that Lance can recognize easily because gardening has the same effect on him.

“That’s basically all you gotta do. Easy, huh?” Lance says as Shiro comes back around to meet him.

“Do they need to be watered again tomorrow?” Shiro places the watering can back down.

“Yup.”

“I’ll do it. And whatever else you need too, I’ll help.”

“Sure, man, thanks.” Lance gives him a smile.

“I can’t believe you take care of all of this by yourself.” Shiro muses as he looks around the farm.

“It’s not always just me, my family comes by and helps out sometimes.”

“Still though.” Shiro persists.

“Honestly, it’s been nice after everything we went through. To just like, worry about rabbits eating my tomatoes and not how we’re going to stop aliens from destroying our entire planet.”

“Rabbits eating your beautiful tomatoes is a pretty tragic ordeal too though.” Shiro laughs quietly.

Lance is glad to hear the sound.

Done with the tour, Lance starts leading Shiro back to his house. He’s relieved to find the fresh air seems to have lifted Shiro’s moods a bit, and even though his mind will undoubtedly be filled with stress again soon, Lance is glad to have provided Shiro with some respite from himself if only for a little while. Reality settles in a little sooner than he expected though when Shiro stops in the same spot on their walk back that Lance had earlier.

Seeing Shiro kneel down to examines the field of pink as it sways in the wind brings a sting to the back of Lance’s eyes that he wasn’t anticipating. They’re silent for a long moment.

“Can I… ask how you’re doing?” Shiro finally speaks up. Lance sighs. He kneels down next to Shiro and touches one of the petals.

“It’s been two years and I finally stopped asking myself that every morning,” he begins and takes a pause. “I’ll always miss her, but… life is moving on and I can’t live the rest of mine doing _nothing_ but miss her.”

Shiro nods. The words translate to something personally meaningful within him.

“I think… that’s what she would want to hear you say,” Shiro says gently, carefully, like he’s testing the waters. Lance smiles softly and wipes away the wetness at the corners of his eyes.

“Yeah, I think she would.”

They remain in silence for a minute or so, before Lance gets up and Shiro follows suit.   

* * *

 The next morning Lance wakes up as usual, but this time goes to shake the snoring Shiro awake. Lance had warned him last night that he gets an early start to the day’s chores, Shiro said not to worry about it, he’d be fine, and sure enough, he stirs easily.

“Hey, you said you wanted to help right?” Lance starts.

 “What?” Shiro looks around and shakes the sleep from his muddled brain. “Oh, yeah.”

Lance leaves him to wake up the rest of the way.

It’s kind of nice having a roommate again, to hear the sounds of another person getting ready for the day while he’s doing the same. For someone who used to live with a lot of people under one roof, Lance had grown used to silent mornings of solitude without realizing it.

Whether he had planned on helping out around the farm or not Lance didn’t know, but thankfully Shiro packed suitable clothes for the task because nothing Lance could lend him would possibly fit.

“You sleep okay?” Lance asks as they left the house together. “I can’t believe I’m making you sleep on that couch and work on my farm.”

Shiro laughs.

“You’re not making me do either of those things,” he corrects. “I volunteered for both.”

“Well still!”

“I’ll be fine, we’ve been through way worse, remember?”

“Yeah ok you got me there.”

Lance hands Shiro a basket and a pair of gloves before entering the chicken coop and prompting him to follow. The hens cluck loudly as they enter and Shiro looks around at all the ruckus. “Ladies, meet Shiro, Shiro, meet the ladies,” Lance says.

“Uh, morning ladies,”

“Can you just grab the eggs while I feed them?” Lance asks from over where he’s gathering up some feed.

“Yeah.” Shiro makes his way over to the shelf of nests being as careful as he can not to step on any of the ‘ladies’, an effort that’s much easier once Lance spreads their food out and they all run over to start pecking at the ground. He gathers up a little more than half a dozen eggs before he’s pretty sure he got all of them.

Lance shows him how to clean off the eggs and store them properly so they’re safe to consume, and then they’re moving on to the next thing. It fills Shiro with a sense of gratification to be part of something so natural, so organic, so completely the opposite of his typical day surrounded by machinery and spacecraft. To be out in the fresh air and taking care of things with his own two hands is satisfying in a way he wasn’t expecting. Not to say that he could ever see this being his lifestyle day in and day out, but the more he helps the more he begins to understand why Lance does this.

With a double-teamed effort they’re done with all of the work by early afternoon.

“Well hey, we have a whole day ahead of us, do you want to go into town or something?” Lance asks. The tips of his bangs have begun to curl from the sweat that he wipes some off his forehead. Shiro stares at the sight before giving an answer.

“Sure, yeah, show me around.”

* * *

Shiro drives, he insists on it, both out of graciousness for his host and also because he genuinely enjoys driving his truck though he usually doesn’t go anywhere back home.

The town Lance lives next to is relatively well sized and bustling with people, though the aesthetic of the buildings maintains a sort of outdated feel. It’s a cute town to stroll about in. The afternoon sun is strong but not unpleasant, and Shiro doesn’t have to do much of the talking because Lance is happily chatting away next to him as they walk down the main road of town. Shiro hadn’t realized how much he missed simply being a part of the community after having been a homebody for so long.

Lance is excited to be a tour guide for his town, he explains the shops and buildings as they pass, and Shiro mostly just nods or offers a little compliment in response. A couple of people stop them to chat and ask if he has any eggs to give away like he usually does, but this time he’s empty handed. Somewhere along the way Lance realizes he doesn’t think he’s ever spent this much time alone with Shiro before, he likes it though, already wishing he’ll come visit again.

He takes them to a quaint little café, one, he explains, he frequents often. Sure enough, Shiro knows he isn’t exaggerating when the staff behind the counter greet him warmly. He’s glad to see Lance’s extroverted nature is still a defining part of who he is. Lance introduces him as his visiting friend, nothing to do with a divorced husband, nothing to do with a hero from space, no expectation of reputation to live up to and the anonymity is refreshing. He wonders if Lance ever even explained his story and everything he’s been through or if the appeal of a clean slate kept his mouth closed on the topic.

If he stopped to think about it, he would have pictured Lance in a big city, somewhere bustling with people to meet and places to discover, but somehow what he’s seen of this cozy town feels so much like Lance that it’s like he was an essential part of its creation.

“It’s nice here, I like it.” Shiro remarks as they sit down at a table near the store front window.

“The town or the café?” Lance asks. He’s smiling either way.

“Both.”

There’s an element of pride to Lance’s expression, and Shiro finds it charming.

“Isn’t it? Just wait till you taste the food here! And then the gelato down the street, which, no you don’t get to pass on by the way.”

“Well the coffee’s already good.” Shiro smiles as he takes a sip from his mug.

The food is good, and so is the gelato, and so is the rest of the town that Lance takes Shiro around to.  

The sun is just beginning to set by the time they’re climbing back into Shiro’s truck to head home. He feels like he should be telling Lance thank you, that he had a great time, that he’d love to go back and get another sandwich at that café with him soon, but Lance is unusually quiet, so he lets the comfortable silence between them stay.

 

* * *

Shiro takes Lance up on his offer of some drinks this time, just some beers and a taste of the moonshine Lance made because he seems proud of it. They sit in lawn chairs out on the grass in front of Lance’s house, sipping some beers together and talking about nothing in particular. He’s a nice kind of buzzed, not like the drunk mess he was the other night after he and Curtis broke it off.  

The stars are amazingly brilliant out here, and little balls of light flicker on the ground around them from the fireflies that have come out for the evening. Lance finishes his third beer and then looks takes a deep breath and looks up at the sky.

“You know,” he starts, and from his tone Shiro can tell he’s getting into some deeper conversation. “I always thought you had it bad for Keith.”

Shiro contemplates the bottle that’s cupped between his hands quietly.

“I did.” He doesn’t mind admitting it, call it the alcohol talking but he actually doesn’t mind getting into this with Lance. “Or at least I think I did.” He too finishes off his drink.

“What happened to that?” Lance looks over and asks. Shiro looks back at him and heaves a sigh.

“I just… never got the timing right. By the time I let myself admit to my feelings it was… too late. I’m really terrible at the whole romance thing,” he replies with a laugh of self-pity.

“Can’t be good at everything.” Lance replies and places a hand on his shoulder. Shiro gives him a pained smile in return. “You’ll get it right one time, man.”

“What about you?” Shiro asks, unexpectedly.

“What?” Lance, caught off guard, scrunches his brows together.

“Do you think you’ll date again?”

Lance looks forward again and sits back in his chair.

“I think so,” he says.

Shiro looks over at him for a while longer before gazing skyward again.

* * *

 

It’s the night before Shiro leaves and Lance insists Shiro takes the bed that night. Shiro, with equal persistence, argues that his host sleep in his own bed, and after quite some back and forth they decide to just share.

So Shiro, out of consideration for his bed mate, dons his sweats and a tank top and gets into bed beside him, pulling the covers over his shoulders and letting out a breath when he’s settled into place.

Lance lays beside him, already quiet and comfortably on his side, but he’s wide awake. He doesn’t know the last time he’s ever shared a bed with someone and the distraction of it is keeping his eyes open.

He can’t tell if he’s just imagining the charged atmosphere between them, if it’s only his heart pounding in his chest with Shiro so close that he can feel his body heat warming the covers they’re sharing. Minutes go by, probably less than it feels like, and Lance is no closer to falling asleep.

Behind him, Shiro inhales a deep breath and when he lets it out, Lance makes a split-second decision to turn over and face him. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he can just make out the strong contours of Shiro’s face. His eyes are peacefully closed, but his features are not yet heavy with sleep and somehow, knowing that Shiro is awake has Lance’s heart racing faster.

He shouldn’t be thinking about Shiro’s marriage bed, he shouldn’t be wondering how long it’s been since Shiro’s been embraced in a loving hold, but his mind wanders there and he can’t pull it back. Spending the past few days together has painted the image of Shiro as a lonely man in Lance’s mind, and he feels so much pity for the way things turned out for him. In that sense, he and Shiro are the same; two lonely souls who knew love and lost it. The circumstances are very different, sure, but to compare one person’s grief to another’s is hardly fair.  

He wants to get closer… he wants to indulge in the comfort of another body pressed against his. Shiro is so close, it would be so nice to curl up against his broad chest and feel so safe he couldn’t possibly even have a bad dream. Not that he’d even want to fall asleep if he got to do such a thing.

A few more minutes go by before hesitantly, he reaches a hand out towards Shiro’s gently rising chest and draws his body in to follow. The shuffling sound of sheets disturbs the gentle silence of the room as Lance tucks himself into the curve of Shiro’s body, his folded-up arms the only thing preventing the two of them from pressing flush together. Shiro, eyes still closed, draws in another deep breath and throws an arm around Lance’s form, settling in comfortably next to him upon exhale.

Comfort washes over Lance. His head is resting just below Shiro’s chin, every inhale welcomes in the pleasant smells of Shiro’s body and the arm across him is warm and secure. He was right, he doesn’t want to fall asleep anymore. He closes his eyes that aren’t heavy with sleep to simply exist in the moment, concentrating on breathing in a steady, contented pattern. He feels so at peace, at home, it’s almost overwhelming.

Eventually, Shiro turns onto his back and Lance follows, laying face down with his body half on top of Shiro’s chest and using the area where Shiro’s shoulder meets his torso as the most comfortable pillow he’s ever been privileged enough to rest his head on.

Without thinking, Lance’s fingers start to brush slow, gentle patterns over Shiro’s torso. It was never a part of his relationship with Shiro to be affectionate like this, they’d certainly grown to understand each other better over the course of their time in space, but something like falling asleep in each other’s arms was entirely out of the question. But even so… everything about this moment with Shiro feels right. He doesn’t know why, just chalks it up to two lonely souls starving for any bit of affection.

A hand comes to rest on the top of his hip and he looks up to see Shiro open his eyes. They gaze at each other in silence for a hesitant moment before Lance asks quietly, “Sorry, am I keeping you awake?”

“No,” Shiro responds with a hint of a smile. “No, I’m just…” he trails off.

“Not tired?” Lance offers.

“Yeah.”

“Me either.”

Lance lays his head back down and resumes ghosting his hand over Shiro’s abdomen in soothing strokes. Silence falls over them and in it, Lance can hear to the steady beating of Shiro’s heart against his ear. His head rises and falls gently as Shiro’s chest expands with his breathing over and over in a relaxed pattern… it would be a sin to move from this spot.

“So... What are you going to do now?” Lance asks. Shiro’s hand immediately freezes.

“What do you mean?”

“After tomorrow, after the divorce and everything.”

“Oh.” Shiro sighs. “I don’t really know except be single, I guess. Curtis is moving out, so I’ll get to stay in the apartment, but I’ll probably move out too...”

Lance nods against Shiro’s chest.

“Is that what you wanted?” he asks gently.

Shiro is quiet for a moment.

“To be honest I don’t know what I want anymore.”

“I think I know what you mean.”

They both take a long deep breath.

“Thanks for letting me come crash with you, Lance, I really needed to clear my head,” Shiro says after a minute.

“Anytime, Shiro, I mean it. I like having you around.”  Lance looks up to see Shiro smiling down at him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Shiro replies and squeezes Lance tighter.

For a long moment they just hold each other’s gaze, searching for some wordless understanding in each other’s eyes and once again, Lance feels his body buzz with impulse.  

He props himself up on one arm, letting himself be drawn into Shiro’s gravity rather than fight it, and hovers over Shiro’s chest. Shiro holds his gaze calmly, gives him a small smile that has Lance’s heart squeezing in his chest. Suddenly, he’s not close enough.

His heart beats wildly as he moves in closer, glacially slow so that there’s plenty of time for Shiro to hold him back before their lips meet, but Shiro just watches, eyes finally closing just before Lance finds his mark. Soft lips press against Shiro’s with a hesitant gentleness, the soft noise of their lips parting seems to echo in the silence around them when Lance moves away.

They look between each other’s eyes, searching once again for some understanding that this is happening, and that it’s okay. Full of nervous excitement, Lance moves back in and Shiro’s parts his lips to welcome him back. They share another, longer kiss, their lips caressing tenderly, the hint of Shiro’s tongue on the edge of Lance’s lip and Lance greets it with his own on the next pass.

They part again, and Shiro puts a firm hand on Lance’s chest.

“Lance… wait, I can’t I…” he stutters.

Lance’s eyes widen with regret.

“Fuck I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry.” He hangs his head. “We were just... I mean I just thought you looked like… maybe you… wanted it too,” he admits bashfully.

“No, I did.” Shiro moves the hand from Lance’s chest to wrap an arm around his back. “I really did, it’s just that I can’t hurt anyone else… especially not you.” Shiro raise’s Lance’s chin gently to peer into his worried eyes for a second before Lance lowers his gaze.

“It didn’t mean anything I promise; we don’t even have to mention it again.” Lance pulls way and sits up as he continues to backpeddle. Shiro can practically see his mind racing with panic.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he coos and rubs Lance’s back, easing him back down. “I’m not upset.”

Lance settles back into Shiro, his expression relaxing.  

“Okay… I just don’t want you to think I ever wanted to take advantage of your situation…”

“Of course not.”

Lance is quiet for a moment, and then he speaks again in a softer voice.

“But I just thought… if we’re going to be lonely for the rest of our lives, maybe we don’t have to be so lonely for one night.”

Shiro looks off to the side and for a moment Lance thinks he should offer to go sleep out on the couch but then Shiro speaks up again.

“I can’t let myself mean anything to anyone for a while but… being lonely together for a night sounds pretty nice.” 

“It’s okay, I get the feeling.” Lance smiles but the effect is forlorn.

Shiro takes a deep breath and wraps both arms around Lance’s shoulders. 

“I don’t like the sound of that, you shouldn’t be alone, Lance.”  

“Shiro…” Lance mutters and the burn of tears stings the back of his eyes.

Lance doesn’t want to be alone. He can’t live his entire life without someone to love and be loved in return, but how could he possibly try to move on without feeling guilty? Without seeming ungrateful for Allura’s sacrifice to the entire _world_? Even after two years he still didn’t have the answers, but right now the anguish he harbors feels a little lighter with Shiro’s strong arms grounding him.

“Come back,” Shiro says so tenderly that Lance feels a tear slip down his cheek.

He gives himself over again.

Shiro rubs his back as they kiss, slowly but deeply. Shiro’s kiss is intoxicating, the way he sucks gently on Lance’s bottom lip, the way he lingers for just long enough that in the brief moment they’re separated, Lance is left craving more. Gladly and easily they get lost in each other’s lips, washing away their pain with each tender pass of lips. Even if they never know each other like this again, even if they never talk about it, they can still live this moment to the fullest while what they need so badly is there to take and to give.  

An urgency builds as they kiss. Shiro’s hand rub along the small of Lance’s back and Lance lets out a small moan without thinking that Shiro swallows up in a deep kiss. He can feel his body start to get greedy and he doesn’t know if this was part of their agreement for the night, but Shiro must be able to feel the hardness pressing into the side of his thigh at this point.

“If I’m going too far… please stop me,” Lance says while his mouth hovers over the column of Shiro’s neck before kissing at it. Shiro’s tank top gives him irresistible access to the top of his chest and Lance settles in just above his collar bone.

“Just don’t leave any marks,” Shiro replies with a shaky sigh and runs a hand through the back of Lance’s hair. Lance nods into his work. He mouths his way along the plane of Shiro’s upper chest, pleased when he hears another sigh come from overhead. Shiro’s body jolts as the sensations from Lance’s mouth send waves of pleasure through him. Lance only stops to push Shiro’s shirt up and lavish the newly uncovered area with attention.

Shiro’s chest rises with quick, irregular breaths and then a particularly sharp inhale when Lance brings a hand to Shiro’s crotch. 

“Can I… touch you?” He looks back up at Shiro, his hand still resting atop the hardness.

“Y-yeah.” Shiro nods. His face is flush with heat.

Lance places a gracious kiss on the fullness of Shiro’s chest before he feels along the length of Shiro’s cock through his pants. Shiro’s body shivers at the contact.

“Holy cow, Shiro,” Lance whispers as he starts to massage him over the fabric. “I always figured you’d be big but… damn.”

“Lance.” Shiro groans and throws an arm over his eyes.

“What? I mean like are you sure you want to be a lonely bachelor? Because this would be a gift to the world.”

“Lance!” Shiro groans louder and Lance smiles as he pulls Shiro’s pants down enough for his cock to spring free. He takes a second just to admire the view before wrapping his hand around it and starting to pump in slow, twisting motions. Shiro moves his arm from his face and lets out a shaky breath.

“Shit…” Lance mutters under his breath as he strokes and explores Shiro’s cock. “You have such a good dick…” He wants to get his mouth on it, he wants to do a lot of things with it, actually, but that’s not for tonight. For tonight he stops just to get some lube and then goes straight back to the source of his fascination.

Shiro moans quietly when Lance picks up the pace. He runs a hand through his hair, pulling taught the long strands at the front and dropping open his jaw.

“Lance…” he mumbles and the needy sigh in his voice sends a wave of heat through Lance. He can’t believe he’s jerking Shiro, gorgeous unobtainable Shiro, off. It feels unreal to have this cock in his hand.

“I’ve got you,” he replies because it feels like the right thing to say. Shiro moans, the sound low, vibrating from the back of his throat. His body can’t stay still as Lance keeps working him, his back arches, his thighs constrict, and the hand in his hair clenches tighter.

Lance leans down to mouth at the base of his cock while his hand continues to work at the rest and the combination has Shiro groaning louder than ever.

“Fuck.” Shiro chokes out.

Lance kisses along the inside of his thigh and it sends a shiver through Shiro. He looks so gorgeous like this, trembling and moaning out his pleasure, Lance can’t imagine how anyone would want to give this up. He wants to tell Shiro as much, but that would be crossing a line, so he just picks himself up and connects their mouths together for a deep kiss.

Shiro drops his hand from his hair to hold the back of Lance’s neck as he moans into the kiss. He jerks his hips into Lance’s hand and has to lower his head from their kiss to gasp in pleasure.

“It’s okay, you can come, Shiro,” Lance prompts. Shiro bites his lips and his thighs tremble as he starts to lose himself. “That’s it.”

Lance doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the sound Shiro makes when he spills into Lance’s hand and over his stomach. It might be the sexiest thing he’s ever heard, low and vibrating and full of satisfaction. Stroking him through it slowly and watching with peeled eyes, Lance milks every last drop of come from the head of Shiro’s cock. For a moment, the room is entirely quiet aside from the hushed sound of Shiro catching his breath then Shiro’s hands move to tug at the top of Lance’s shorts.

“Lance,” he huffs. “Come here, take these off.”  

Somehow, the premise of being naked in front of Shiro makes Lance blush despite what he just finished doing. Shiro drags Lance’s shorts down over his thighs as Lance goes to straddle him, and his shirt, the only thing keeping them from being fully skin to skin, is gone just as quickly. Wide, strong hands manage to circle around almost the entirety of Lance’s waist and steady him where he is while Shiro marvels at the sight before him.

He guides Lance forward until he can mouth graciously at his chest and Lance keens at the contact.

“What do you want me to do?” Shiro asks between love bites. “Do you want me to suck you off?”

Lance moans, can’t believe those words just hit his ears because yes, he very much likes the sound of that, but he’ll save that offer to discover what Shiro’s face looks like with a mouthful of his dick for if they ever get the chance to be like this again.

“I was hoping you’d let me try something else.”

“What is it?”

Lance lubes himself up generously and pushes Shiro’s legs up until they’re practically bent against his chest.   

“Oh,” Shiro mutters and Lance is worried he’s not into it before he looks up to see Shiro’s transfixed stare on the cock positioned between his thighs.

Lance starts to move experimentally and his head falls back in pleasure when Shiro squeezes his thighs tighter.

“Fuck that feels good…” Lance sighs.

Shiro marvels at the sight of Lance fucking his thighs, his hands holding up Shiro’s legs and squeezing them as his pleasure escalates.

“Lance…” Shiro mutters and Lance’s eyes meet his for barely a second before the look on his face has Lance leaning forward to lock their lips together again. It’s much sloppier than before, neither of them really giving much thought to how it’s happening, just that they’re connected in this way. Tiny breaths of sweet pleasure escape Lance’s lips and Shiro very much likes the sound of them.

“You’re so beautiful,” Shiro whispers and trails his hands down the front of Lance’s chest. Maybe he shouldn’t be sweettalking a one-night stand, but he can’t imagine going the rest of his life without Lance knowing he thinks so. Lance hangs his head at the praise and Shiro’s name is on his lips as his hips pick up their pace with a new urgency. Shiro pulls him back in to trail kisses along his neck and Lance lets out the sweetest moan.    

“Shi-ro…” Lance chokes out.

Shiro nips a bit too hard to not leave a mark, covers the area in an apologetic, open-mouthed kiss and call him a hypocrite for breaking his own rule, but he wanted to do that so badly. Lance gasps loudly and his entire body writhes with delight.

“Shiro… I can’t, I’m gonna come,” he whines.

“Don’t hold back,” Shiro replies and continues his work.

Lance cries out louder than ever and his eyes squeeze shut as streams of his climax cover Shiro’s torso, hints of it managing to reach his face.

Shiro keeps his hands on Lance’s chest as he pumps himself through his orgasm, his face a blissful expression of satisfaction.

The hands holding up Shiro’s legs relax, and Lance stumps forward as he breathes heavy. Shiro tucks a curl away from Lance’s face and Lance smiles with weary tenderness as he pants.    

They fall asleep curled up together, Lance practically draped over Shiro and Shiro keeping a protective arm around him.

Lance wakes up hours later than usual the next morning, still in a sleeping Shiro’s hold. He almost shoots up and out of bed as the events of last night replay in his head, but he settles back down with a deep breath.

Shiro stirs soon after, and Lance considers feigning sleep but he props himself up and wishes Shiro good morning instead.

“Morning,” Shiro replies with a yawn and then goes through the same recollection that Lance had just minutes earlier.

“I’ll… go shower first.” Lance says and moves to get up but strong arms pull him back down.

“Five more minutes…” Shiro says with another yawn and really, five more minutes of this couldn’t hurt anymore than the tightness of Lance’s chest upon waking up next to a sleepy Shiro. Shiro is asleep again in moments, and Lance snuggles into his side tighter for just a minute before sneaking out from under his arm and hopping into the shower.

Showers are a good place for your thoughts to overwhelm you, and Lance spends several minutes with the water pouring down his back wondering how guilty he should feel for having sex with a technically still married man, and a friend of his at that. It just another answer he doesn’t have.

Shiro is awake and sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor when Lance enters his room again.

“Shower’s free,” he says and drops his towel to get dressed because, really, what’s the point of modesty at this point?

“Right, thanks.” Shiro replies. Lance can see the color paint his face before he leaves the room.  

* * *

 

They eat breakfast together exactly the way neither of them wanted when this started; in awkward silence and a giant elephant in the room. Lance makes them eggs again, while Shiro packs his small duffle bag with the couple of belongings he took to begin with. Lance still blushes every time his thoughts wander to last night, the sounds Shiro made, the way his lips felt on his neck, sensations that are already so unobtainable again.

Shiro has to go home today, he has to go back to see Curtis and discuss divorce accommodations with a lawyer in a stuffy office room and leave this beautiful place and this beautiful man behind him. But he has no choice, he has to take care of the mess he made, he can’t fly by the seat of his pants into some fairytale ending after making a disaster somewhere else.

“Thanks again for letting me stay for a while,” Shiro says as he stands in the doorway.

“Of course, anytime, I mean it.” Lance replies with a gentle smile. “Good luck with all of your scary adult stuff.”

Shiro chuckles. “It won’t be fun, that’s for sure.”

“I don’t envy you, dude.”

“I’ll be okay, I just have to sort out the mess I made.” And somehow, it’s the first time since he broke up with Curtis that he’s actually starting to believe it himself.

Lance goes in and hugs him tightly but briefly and then steps back.

“Well, I’ll see you on the bright side.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you.” Shiro replies and gives Lance a hint of a smile, hesitating for a moment before turning around and heading to his truck.

Lance bites his lip as he watches him go. He doesn’t know if he’ll actually see Shiro around again, he already feels so far away by the time he reaches his truck. He hesitates at the door again before climbing into his car and starting the engine up and Lance finally closes the door.

He stands there for a long moment before taking a deep breath in and holding it first before letting it collapse out of his lungs. He his work on the farm waiting to clear his muddled head, just like it has been for the past two years, just like it will for the foreseeable future. He gets ready quickly and heads out into the hot sun.

He’s just filling up his watering can, preparing to tend to his vegetables when the muffled sound of dirt road under tires catches his attention. He looks up to see a truck making its way down the path towards him.

“Shiro?” Lance says out loud. What’s he doing? Why did he turn around? Did he forget something?

“Lance!” Shiro yells from yards away as he jumps out of the driver’s seat. He starts walking over, his truck still running, the door still flung wide open, then picks up into to a run. “Lance!” He repeats.

Lance just lowers his watering can, awestruck.

“Wait for me!” Shiro yells as he approaches and then repeats quieter when he reaches Lance. “Wait for me to sort myself out, then I’ll be back, I promise.”

Lance’s heart jumps into his throat.

“Shiro no, you don’t have to do that, you don’t owe me anything.”  

Shiro grabs his shoulders, his enthusiasm not the least bit curbed by Lance’s response.

“I’m tired of hurting the people that I love, Lance, let me do this right.”

Tears well up in Lance’s eyes.

“Shiro, I, I don’t know if you feel obligated or something because we—”

Shiro hugs Lance to his body tightly, drowning the words out of him.

“I don’t,” he says firmly, and Lance nods. “Please just… give me time and I’ll be ready. I’ll be ready to talk and eat another sandwich from that cute café and water your garden again and… please, Lance.” Shiro pulls him away again to search his face.

Lance nods in a series of quick succession.

“Ok,” he says with a sniff. “Yeah, I will.”

Shiro smiles and hugs him again. Lance wraps his arms back around him.

“Take your time Shiro, I won’t be going anywhere.”

“Thank you, Lance.”

They stay in the embrace for a long moment before breaking away.

“I’ll see you soon,” Shiro says as he starts to leave.

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon,” Lance replies.

It’s far less bittersweet to watch Shiro’s truck pull away this time, knowing that for sure, it will once again make its way back to him.


End file.
